Monday, March 23, 2009
This time three months ago, this time a year ago
This time three months ago we were just getting to our post-partum room. Nurses were giving a jumble of instructions to Robby and me. I had just finished nursing Davy for the first time and was enjoying some face time with him. Davy and I had some private time-just the two of us- while Robby went and helped my dad get into the hospital and before the rest of our family came in. Now, I am typing this while Robby is taking his turn trying to get Davy to sleep. His schedule has been a bit off the past couple of days since our trip to Mobile this past weekend. We went down because yesterday was the first anniversary of the death of Robby's father. It's hard to remember exactly what we were experiencing at this exact moment one year ago. I know that about three days later was when we decided we were going to have Davy (well, at the time we didn't know it was Davy we were going to have- we just wanted to have a baby in general). It seems that a lifetime of events have passed in the blink of an eye. We've all heard that time heals all wounds. Ha-I can attest to the physical truth of that. I hope that Robby feels better tonight than he did a year ago. I hope that a year from now I will feel better about how Davy ended up arriving than I do tonight. Regardless of how that happened, though, I'm so glad he is here. Even if he has been restless the past three nights! He is the light of our lives.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Dear Davy
Dear Davy,
To start, I love you madly. I mean that, too. I love you such that I would go outside the norms of society to protect you. If I were to ever lose you, I would surely lose my mind.
I recently read a poem another mother wrote about her time with her newborn son (born a week or two before you). She wrote about how her son will never remember these early months and moments, but she will never forget. There is so much truth in that. I don't think anything could truly have prepared me for how bittersweet motherhood really is. First the pain/excitement of the arrival your arrival. Then, from the moment you take your first breaths you start to grow and develop oh-so-fast. Every one talks about how fast it goes and I now realize that it is a parent's lament. You have to learn to fully exist in the present moment. I love the way you are right now- 11 weeks and 3 days old. The way you look. The way you smell. How you respond to the world around you. Still, I always look forward to the things you will be able to do in the future- crawling, walking, talking...calculus (Haha! No, seriously, I do expect you to do it.;-))- but at the same time I miss the tiny baby that I first knew, that creature of reflexes and quiet alertness. I know that only in a matter of months, I am going to desperately miss my three month old while reveling in the accomplishments of my ever growing boy.
You are my firstborn and therefore will always be a little extraspecial...and not just because you managed to survive my inexperience! You will teach me as much or more than I teach you. You are the first expansion of my heart.
My eternal love,
Mom
To start, I love you madly. I mean that, too. I love you such that I would go outside the norms of society to protect you. If I were to ever lose you, I would surely lose my mind.
I recently read a poem another mother wrote about her time with her newborn son (born a week or two before you). She wrote about how her son will never remember these early months and moments, but she will never forget. There is so much truth in that. I don't think anything could truly have prepared me for how bittersweet motherhood really is. First the pain/excitement of the arrival your arrival. Then, from the moment you take your first breaths you start to grow and develop oh-so-fast. Every one talks about how fast it goes and I now realize that it is a parent's lament. You have to learn to fully exist in the present moment. I love the way you are right now- 11 weeks and 3 days old. The way you look. The way you smell. How you respond to the world around you. Still, I always look forward to the things you will be able to do in the future- crawling, walking, talking...calculus (Haha! No, seriously, I do expect you to do it.;-))- but at the same time I miss the tiny baby that I first knew, that creature of reflexes and quiet alertness. I know that only in a matter of months, I am going to desperately miss my three month old while reveling in the accomplishments of my ever growing boy.
You are my firstborn and therefore will always be a little extraspecial...and not just because you managed to survive my inexperience! You will teach me as much or more than I teach you. You are the first expansion of my heart.
My eternal love,
Mom
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Davy's Big Adventure
This past weekend the whole family went to mobile for the first time. We were going down just to attend some friends' wedding, but decided that while we were down there it would probably be good to have Davy baptized as well. Originally we were going to have him baptized at our church in Birmingham, but having it done in Mobile just made more sense because more family and friends could attend and we were going down there anyway!
Davy did very well both on the drive down and back. Very minimal fussiness, though he did not even come close to sleeping the whole way! We left around 10:45 Friday morning and did not get to Mobile until 3:45. Whoa! That's a major difference in time of travel for us, but it's ok. We did have to stop to feed both Davy and ourselves, so that took up a good bit of time.
On Saturday morning we went to the Chili Cook-off with my mom, stepdad, my grandfather and his wife. Davy was a real trooper here too! No chili for him though, because I am not a chili-eater (though there were one or two chilis there that I tried that were too bad). The wedding was at 4:30 Saturday afternoon/evening. Davy wore a cute little outfit that his Auntie Dina got for him before he was born. He was a hit at the wedding- which was GORGEOUS, by the way! Some nice lady was dying to hold him so that my husband and I could dance if we wanted, she claimed. He started to get a little antsy at the start of the ceremony, but Robby stood up with him and he was fine. After the ceremony, I wrapped him up in the Moby and carried him around that way for pretty much the rest of the evening. He actually went to sleep for about an hour or so, but woke up when Robby and I tried to slow dance (yes, he was still in the wrap).
We went to 9am mass on Sunday morning. The baptism was after that mass. There were so many people there! A few surprises too! My Aunt Bobbie, who is pretty ill, came. The was a reception at Robby's mother's house after the ceremony. Davy got passed around a good bit before he got tired and cranky. Poor guy had had quite a busy morning for him! Usually he gets up, we play, he takes a nap. This morning they put water and oil on his head! Yeesh! Fortunately I was able to put him in his sling and he went to sleep no problems. He actually does pretty well with crowds for not being around them very often. We will see how he does in later months, though.
All in all a good weekend, though we are glad to be home!
Davy did very well both on the drive down and back. Very minimal fussiness, though he did not even come close to sleeping the whole way! We left around 10:45 Friday morning and did not get to Mobile until 3:45. Whoa! That's a major difference in time of travel for us, but it's ok. We did have to stop to feed both Davy and ourselves, so that took up a good bit of time.
On Saturday morning we went to the Chili Cook-off with my mom, stepdad, my grandfather and his wife. Davy was a real trooper here too! No chili for him though, because I am not a chili-eater (though there were one or two chilis there that I tried that were too bad). The wedding was at 4:30 Saturday afternoon/evening. Davy wore a cute little outfit that his Auntie Dina got for him before he was born. He was a hit at the wedding- which was GORGEOUS, by the way! Some nice lady was dying to hold him so that my husband and I could dance if we wanted, she claimed. He started to get a little antsy at the start of the ceremony, but Robby stood up with him and he was fine. After the ceremony, I wrapped him up in the Moby and carried him around that way for pretty much the rest of the evening. He actually went to sleep for about an hour or so, but woke up when Robby and I tried to slow dance (yes, he was still in the wrap).
We went to 9am mass on Sunday morning. The baptism was after that mass. There were so many people there! A few surprises too! My Aunt Bobbie, who is pretty ill, came. The was a reception at Robby's mother's house after the ceremony. Davy got passed around a good bit before he got tired and cranky. Poor guy had had quite a busy morning for him! Usually he gets up, we play, he takes a nap. This morning they put water and oil on his head! Yeesh! Fortunately I was able to put him in his sling and he went to sleep no problems. He actually does pretty well with crowds for not being around them very often. We will see how he does in later months, though.
All in all a good weekend, though we are glad to be home!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Goal
So here I still am four weeks from starting this thing. Amazing. And I still have more things to write! New goal: Four more weeks. I really need to go to bed as I currently have a sleeping baby, but I just thought I would post a bit on how my last- Thank God it finally came!- post-op visit went. The doctor is pleased that it healed (I guess sometimes they don't?), but while he was palpating the area he came across a "knot." I have been feeling several of these little "knots" for weeks now and I knew exactly what they were from the very start of feeling them- sutures. I even had one sticking out of a tiny hole at the edge of my wound for a while (I managed to cut it with a nail scissor so that it finally stayed inside long enough for the skin to heal over it). I was going to ask how long it would take them to dissolve (I mean, really, it has been 10 weeks today). I didn't get a chance. After feeling the "knot" the doctor realized what he was feeling and said, "Oh, those are permanent." Fabulous. Fan-flipping-tastic. So. At this point I am wondering- and please, excuse my language- if I am screwed over. My options now are: 1) just give up the VBAC and have another C-section so they can take the sutures out then; 2) have the VBAC if I can find a doctor who will let me-I wonder if this will decrease my chances- and if it all works out, then have a surgery to remove the sutures OR live with the sutures for the rest of my life. More sarcastic words- Lovely, divine, so much fun. AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO fed up with this mess! Now, please note, I am so very glad that we have a happy healthy little Davy. But I just feel that all of this could have been avoided. I feel like we could have at least delayed the C-section after we got Davy's heart rate back up. I feel like we never should have started Pitocin in the first place. I wish we could have had a doula there with us to help speak for us, because when you are in labor- at least when I was in labor- it is next to impossible to speak up or even remember the decisions that you philosophically believe in and want to make. Ok, got to stop. Got to go to sleep.
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