Session 1- Pregnancy and Before, or Beyond

Robby and I are very lucky. For lots of reasons! One, and this is particularly mushy, but we "found" each other. Really, we more noticed each other in a new way after having spent several months a year for about eight years in close proximity at Playhouse in the Park. I remember conversations we used to have. During a production of Scrooge in which Robby was Scrooge and I was the Ghost of Christmas Past, Robby told me that he liked doing our scenes much better with me than with the other girl cast in my role. I don't think either of us would ever have dreamed then that we would someday get married and have a family together, but here we are! Oh, that's also where we are lucky. In March we decided to have a baby and I think as soon as we spoke those words it must have happened.

Our original plan, developed in the first few months after our marriage in June 2006, was to wait five years before we started trying to have children. At the time I had one year of undergraduate study left and was already planning to attend graduate school- a total of at least 3 years, possibly four. Also, I was- and am- quite young when we got married, a currently-out-of-style 20 years of age (though several ladies in my cohort got married within months of me). However, being 30 when we were married, Robby changed his mind about a year later, maybe less, stating that he was ready when I was but that he didn't want to be 35 having his first child. I don't remember saying much at the time, but about six months later, in December, we started having our first....discussions- they were sometimes much closer to arguments- about starting a family. I was at the point that during "a certain time of the month" I would feel a sort of loss, like something potentially wonderful but yet intangible was slipping through my fingers. I would think, "Well, maybe...." and bring this up to Robby (Yes, a mistake- don't say something like that if you aren't really and truly prepared to follow through quickly. I have learned my lesson for next time.) but as soon as my hormones re-regulated I would let my more rational mind take back over and decided to put it off some more. Then, in March, Robby's father passed away. He was the fourth person we had lost from our collective families within a year's time (starting with my niece in March 2007, then Robby's Aunt Chrissy in August 2007, followed by his grandmother in early November, and finally that last, harsh blow). I started to think about how the people important to us make up little pieces of us. I really don't want my children to miss any more pieces than they have to. If that makes any sense. Furthermore, though I don't think I've actually said this to Robby, I want our children to have as much time with their father and he with them as possible. I'm so afraid of that premature loss. Well, all of that to say that plans change. Ours certainly did, and I don't regret it for a second.

Pregnancy was unbelievably easy for me. No morning sickness and only slight fatigue in the first trimester and in the last five or so weeks. I did have some major leg cramps in the last few weeks, but Robby was a terrific leg-masseur. Overall, though, it was a wonderful time. Since puberty I have been overly conscious and critical of my body, but I felt truly confident in my physique for the first time while I was pregnant. Not to say I wasn't abundantly annoyed by my severely diminished wardrobe, but with that aside I felt pretty. I felt...purposeful in my physicality. It's hard to describe exactly the difference in the way I viewed myself before and the way I viewed myself during. I wish I could go back to that feeling! I know a lot of women who have expressed a feeling of emptiness in the weeks following their deliveries. I loved the feeling of Davy's kicks and twists, but I don't miss them because he kicks me plenty still ;). However, I do feel...deflated, even though I was never a very large pregnant woman (in comparison to others I saw around the waiting room, that is. I was pretty large for me). It's amazing how quickly those 40 weeks pass. I wonder how it will feel next time, if I am fortunate enough to experience it all again.

From left to right: About 15 weeks, right before we found out we were having a boy; October 11th, so about 29 weeks, I think?; I think this was either the Sunday before Davy was born or the previous Sunday- I know it was a Sunday because that was my choir shirt and I did sing all the way up to the Sunday before, woohoo! I must have better breath capacity than I thought!